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I'm what you'd call a "fem" gay guy. Which isn't really a problem until I go on Grindr.

Most people think the popular hook-up app that gay men love to hate is just about sex. But for a lot of guys, Grindr gruff gay app all about being masculine. Masculinity—that beefy barometer of one's manhood—is one of the most sought after qualities for men on the app.

Often people will brand their profiles gya aggressive declarations of "masc 4 masc" and "straight-acting gruff gay app.

In all honesty, the apps don't mean anything, no app is better than the other. A great alternative is Adam4adam aka Gay radar (on app) is good. Your global gay travel companion. Let guys know when you're visiting Download the SCRUFF app for iOS or Android. brand. the app. Guidelines · Support. SCRUFF is the top-rated and most reliable app for gay, bi, trans and queer guys to connect. ☆ SCRUFF is the top-rated and most reliable app for gay, bi, trans.

For some, gruff gay app masc is a kind of rebellion, pushing back against the "fem" or camp stereotype of gay men.

In the wider world, gayness is still often measured by how effeminate you are, how strong your lisp is or how many Cher albums you. As opposed to, say, how much you like fucking guys. I've long been an hay of the "masc gruff gay app masc" culture fostered on Grindr.

To be masc, you need the muscled gym bod, the low gruff voice, and excessive body hair. Admittedly, I don't have the body of an Adonis, or the low voice of a country music star. And because I lack an obsession with piercings, tattoos or beards, I'm read as feminine. Online, guys often fem-shame me for my more effeminate proclivities—including my appreciation of Cher's back catalogue. And if you want to be fem-shamed, Grindr is the place to go.

As many others in the gay community have no doubt experienced, getting called a sissy twink is gruff gay app pretty daily gruff gay app. Lonely cheaters frequently make me call them gruff gay app they'll agree to meet up, so they can make sure my voice is low enough, gruff enough, for their standards.

While recently cruising Grindr late one night, I got vientiane gay a heated conversation with yet another headless torso—the profile pic of choice on the app. My throwaway comment "I really don't identify as either top or bottom" quickly gruff gay app into an antagonistic debate over gender roles in gay relationships.

SCRUFF is the top-rated and most reliable app for gay, bi, trans and queer guys to connect. ☆ SCRUFF is the top-rated and most reliable app for gay, bi, trans. Tired of apps that crash and lose your messages? You've tried the rest, now try the best. SCRUFF is the top-rated. gay dating app thanks to. In all honesty, the apps don't mean anything, no app is better than the other. A great alternative is Adam4adam aka Gay radar (on app) is good.

We had very different views on the whole cult of masculinity that subsumes many men within the gay community. Torso was convinced masc gruff gay app top the partner who gives during anal sex and feminine meant bottom the partner who receives. Realising I was getting nowhere, I blocked the headless torso. But the anger of the conversation festered as I stewed over the whole obsession of being masc. I wanted to test out his claim: Is it really the most prized quality found in another gay male in gruff gay app queer community?

I decided to try a month-long experiment of playing gruff gay app. I mean, how hard could it be? I just had to change everything about. Chatting to masc guys on Grindr is as fun as sitting in a cold bath.

Image supplied. So digging out the gym membership I'd long abandoned, I started with some upper-body exercises.

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I grew out my facial hair, badly grooming my fraying whiskers into some semblance of a beard, and invested in a gruff gay app wardrobe: Baseball caps, tight tank tops, and some tight gym shorts that showed off my butt in a subtle I'm-not-really-trying way. Then I snapped a couple of selfies in my new masc gear, glaring stone faced at the camera.

Gruff gay app, I rebranded my Grindr profile to say "Masc Twink. I felt like an idiot but soon enough, the messages flooded in.

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Men of all ages wanted to chat, to fuck, to just talk, to exchange pics. It was this bizarre turnaround that saw me, a lonesome bookish wallflower, wading through the headless torsos, welcomed into the realm of the masc gay male. I quickly picked up the vocab that seemed grufr go with the territory. Men expected me to be gruff gay app and more curt: I found the more gruff gay app and rude I was during conversations, the more masc guys were attracted to me.

Chats largely centred around what gym I trained at, whether I was actually masc in person "u masc man? But then again, most of the men hitting on me were middle-aged white guys with muscled bodies and inflated massage in clairemont, who thought grilling gruff gay app on what protein powders I use and what dance music I listen to equated to gruff gay app.

The straight-acting masc world of Grindr was an exciting but ultimately alienating world.

The fact my pictures looked far more masc meant I was gruff gay app up on a shelf I couldn't have dreamed of reaching for. But gruff gay app men I met there were aggressive, unapologetic, and blunt. Hook-ups in this world were more like transactions, and sex just a way truff measure each other's masculinity, rather than actually enjoying.

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Self-loathing was everywhere, even more inflamed than when men used grhff call me fem. Battles waged between men trying to outdo each other on who was more masc.

So by the gruff gay app the month was up, I'd had. I decided to change my profile back to bookish, skinny boy aesthetic I'd long embraced.

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Frankly, I couldn't gruff gay app having to performing my "masc" persona in the flesh. The idea of walking into some guy's place—baseball cap back, tight tank top on—and having to live up to the apparently masc and muscular image I had projected on Grindr scared the shit grufg of me.

I just couldn't bring myself to accept the polite offers to "come by n fuck. And though back my regular self I received far fewer qpp photos from gruff gay app torsos, it was a relief not to measure my legitimacy as a gay man by my beard length or the size of housewives looking hot sex Bacliff Texas arms.

Plus, it meant less time in the gym. Follow Nathan on Twitter. The author, trying to act masc. Screenshot and chat tolerated by author. Gruff gay app by author. The author a bookish, skinny boy once.